


Dear Diary

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-17
Packaged: 2018-08-16 06:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8091511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: A little log glitch starts the ultimate misunderstanding. (04/27/2005)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers: 1.12 "Silent Enemy" and 1.19 "Acquisition."  
  
My shot at the "super challenge" with, you know, all the phrases.  
  
This is my first fic. Also, I'm usually a Reed/Sato fan, but the whole "Hoshi's my wife" thing from 1.19 "Acquisition" made me think about the Tucker/Sato relationship in a whole new way.   


* * *

"...Words can't describe how I feel right now. After the whole catastrophic birthday food quest, I don't think Malcolm will ever warm up to me. At first, you know, I was totally in love with him. Blue eyes, rugged British charm, and the quiet, shy, and mysterious aura that was so irresistible. But, I mean, if he acted so...reluctant about a simple dinner invitation, which was totally innocent, God knows how he'll act if I actually did try something...intentional. He's not at all like Trip. Except for the blue eyes bit...but while Malcolm's are quiet, deep, and thoughtful, Trip's are mischievous, outright passionate, and sometimes, violently hungry. Like there's something missing from him that he craves so much. It's both scary and exciting. I know it's stupid, but I know that I could fall in love with him easily. I don't know. I don't understand either of them, and I sure don't understand why I constantly compare them. It's not like either of them are mine.

Trip...well, he says that if I ever mention pineapple to him again, he'll shoot me out through a torpedo tube. I think he was pulling my leg, but I'm not quite sure. He's been acting strange lately, more so than usual. When I congratulated him on his fine acting during Enterprise's capture (with those freaky aliens that still creep me out), he gave me a funny look and turned away. I hope he's not getting the Malcolm syndrome. That would be- "

Beep. The screen in front of her flashed red words: Recording malfunction. All log entries are offline

Hoshi Sato sat up in her bed, tiny lines of confusion on her face. Her hair was loose on her shoulders, the lights in her quarters dim.

"Computer, lights."

Hoshi stepped out of her bed, walking towards the door.

"Sato to Tucker."

A second later, she heard a bang through the comm and a softly uttered curse before the familiar Southern voice of Commander Charles Tucker III sounded in her ears.

"I'm here. This better be good, Hosh."

"You're asleep already?"

"Yah, well, I was."

"Oops."

"Yah, long day in engineering. Cap'n gave me a few hours to rest."

"Oh. Never mind. Sorry."

"Naw, come on then. You got me up anyways. What's the problem?"

"The logs system is malfunctioning. I was in the middle of an entry when it was taken offline."

"Hmm...sounds like it's just a glitch. I'll get to it first thing in the mornin'."

"Thanks Trip."

"No problem, night."

Hoshi leaned back into bed, relaxing under the covers. Now that Trip had mentioned it, she too was tired from a long day. T'Pol had had her working on updating the UT for over 4 hours. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Hey Hoshi, wait up!"

Hoshi was walking briskly towards the bridge for her shift when Trip's cheerful voice interrupted her thoughts. Turning slightly, she waited for him to walk beside her as they headed to the bridge.

"I checked on those logs for you. Just a tiny bug in the system. Try it later and it should be working."

"Thanks. That's a relief."  
Trip grinned.

"Ya know, I also downloaded your log for my personal collection. I must say, you have some juicy details in that li'l diary of yours."  
She playfully slapped his shoulder, wagging her finger at him.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, really?" He grinned some more. "I could."

"No way. Besides, you don't have my access code."

"True..." He then switched gears, making puppy eyes at her. "Come on, give your pal access. Unless of course, you have some skeletons in your closet..."

"No means no!"

"Come on! I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Hoshi couldn't help but giggle at his expression after he realized what he had just said.

"That came out wrong."

Hoshi laughed.

"Yeah." Suddenly, her body stiffened slightly, and her voice became serious. "Anyway, thank you for your help, Commander." she said, and moved away from him slightly.  
He gave her a questioning look at her sudden formality, and then understood when he saw Malcolm Reed heading in their direction.

"Commander, Ensign." Malcolm nodded to them both as they passed each other in the hall. As usual, Malcolm was the picture of perfection, nose buried in his PADDs as he walked. Trip gave a small smirk.

"Don't he ever stop and rest?"

Hoshi didn't smile. "I don't think so. Malcolm loves his work."

"Riiiight. So do I, but even I'm not like that. You know, I think he needs a lady friend. I know a few gals on board who would love to cheer him up a bit."

"Commander, I do hope you are not suggesting to play matchmaker with Lieutenant Reed."

"I'm doing it for him! Trust me, he'll thank me soon enough."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

He gave a grin at that. Hoshi, however, did not crack a smile.

"Hosh? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, what's the matter?"

"I said nothing!" Hoshi suddenly realized that she had spoken both very loudly and sharply. A few heads turned in her direction, and Trip was looking both apologetic and embarrassed.

"I'm fine. Seriously, Trip. Just, leave Malcolm alone."

With that, Hoshi walked away, leaving a rather confused Commander Tucker standing in the hall.

* * *

"Computer, access personal log, Ensign Hoshi Sato. Code alpha gamma gamma omega. Download into data matrix."

The familiar beeping of the computer made Hoshi smile slightly. The smile vanished as she viewed the data before her. It wasn't her log entries, it was an encoded text, pages and pages long, and she had no idea of how it had gotten there. Brows furrowed, she moved to translate. Suddenly, a small voice sounded in her head.

Whoa! Hoshi, this isn't your log. Isn't this a crime, reading the personal things of other people?  
It's encrypted for a reason, you know.

"Who would encrypt a log entry?" She wondered aloud. "Maybe it's from another ship, or maybe some information pertinent to Enterprise."

It would be like reading a diary. Could you live with that?

"It's just like every other code I've broken. Like reading a bedtime book."

Yeah right.

"No harm ever came from reading a book."

Her mind was silent. No arguments.

"All righty, Hoshi. Let's see if you can crack that code." She started to decode it, drumming her fingers on the side of the screen absent mindedly.

Her cheery mood at the new puzzle before her suddenly vanished, as the screen blinked out and she sat facing blackness. The screen blinked back again, only to display the bold red letters: Recording malfunction. All log entries are offline.

"Dammit...not again."

She was just about to call Trip again to yell at him for not fixing the log system when the letters disappeared, and her own log was filing before her.

"That's more like it."

* * *

"Computer, access personal log, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed. Code gamma delta delta omega. Download."

Malcolm rubbed his eyes as he stared at the screen. He was tired, more so than he would have liked to admit. His modifications of the phase cannons had left him completely drained. He skimmed his previous logs, not really paying attention until his eyes widened at the few unmistakable words he read. This wasn't his log.

"Bloody hell..."

* * *

"Computer, access personal log, Commander Charles Tucker III. Code alpha omega omega zeta. Download into data matrix."

Trip was tired out again from a long day stuck in engineering. Normally, he would have loved to tinker with his precious warp core, but these long hours were starting to take their toll on his energy. He gulped down the drink in his hand.

He skimmed his log, looking for his last entry, when the words before him caught his eye. He choked on the hot liquid, eyes in shock at what he read.

"Oh damn..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Malcolm, I am so screwed."

"Trip? You all right?"

Trip was fidgeting nervously in his chair, just as Hoshi had done earlier. Had he been less guilty, he would have noticed Reed's hands shaking just as much.

"Umm....I sorta did something really bad."

Malcolm coughed into his tea.

"I know the feeling." He muttered under his breath.

Trip continued at first, unaware the other man had spoken.

"I sorta...read something I shouldn't have, and I don't know what to do...hey wait, what did you mean, you 'know the feeling'?"

"Well...no, you go on."

Trip grinned mischievously. "Malcolm, you naughty British punk, what did you do?"

"Nothing!"

Trip almost laughed out loud at the suddenly panicked look on the usually calm armory officer's face.

"Come on Malcolm, whadya do?"

"You first."

"No way."

"Same here."

Trip sighed. Sometimes the guy was just so infuriating.

"All right. On three. One..."

"Two..."

"Three..."

"I read Hoshi's log." They both said at the same time, and suddenly identical expressions of confusion and shock crossed their features.

"You, too?" Malcolm nodded, the feelings of guilt he'd had earlier washing over him again.

"Yeah..." Trip swore softly, his thoughts to the log he had read earlier. If both he and Malcolm had gotten Hoshi's log by mistake, then....

Two pairs of blue eyes widened at the same time as realization hit them both. Both jumped from their seats, realization replaced by panic as both uttered the same thought.

"Oh shit..."

* * *

"Hey Trip! Malcolm! What are you guys doing?"

Hoshi jumped slightly at the sudden reaction her greeting had produced. Trip started so abruptly that he spilled his drink over a few of his data PADDs. Malcolm paled to the extent that had Hoshi not known him to be perfectly fine, she would have thought him to be coming down with some viral fever.

"H-Hoshi? Hoshi! We didn't see you there. How's your day?" Trip mentally kicked himself in the head for the clumsiness of his attempt at casual conversation. Luckily, Malcolm's next remark made him feel slightly less of a moron.

"How's the weather? Well, I mean, you know...uh..."

Hoshi grinned, slightly confused and more curious by the second.

"Um, fine Malcolm. You know how it is in space, same old same old."

Malcolm chuckled weakly.

"So...what are you guys up to?"

"Up to? What makes you think we're up to something?"

Hoshi laughed at the scared look on both men's faces.

"Well, you both look like you've been caught with your hands in the cookie jar. Come on, spill...what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Both Trip and Malcolm exclaimed at once, which only led to a fit of giggles on Hoshi's part. She raised her hands in defeat.

"All right...keep your secrets. But I should warn you," she leaned in so that their heads were almost touching, "I never could resist solving a mystery. And you boys are definitely a mystery." With that, she laughed and walked away, thinking to herself, men...ugh.  
Both Malcolm and Trip stared after her, eyes wide and mouths open.

* * *

Trip lay awake that night, thinking.

This is getting ridiculous...I feel even worse than when I accidentally read T'Pol's letter. Why the hell is this getting to me so badly? It was an honest mistake...

Trip leaned back on his bed, shirtless, scruffy, and glad to be finished a long day of avoiding Hoshi. She seemed to be everywhere he went, always with that sweet smile on her face, unknowing of what he had done. He felt terrible, like a dirty peeping tom, and he hated the way Hoshi innocently touched him, laughed with him, and spoke to him.  
She deserves a better friend than you, Tucker, and you know it. She deserves a better man, one who's honest, and loving, and caring, and...

Wait...what?

What the hell am I thinking?

Dammit, this guilt thing is getting to me. I need a snack...heh, I remember Chef's got some pecan pie left in the fridge. Might as well have a nightly stroll.

Quietly, he pulled on a robe and walked out of his quarters, not caring that he was barefeet and altogether disheveled. As he walked down the corridor, he realized just how late it was. There was no one in this hallway, and as he entered the darkened mess hall, he saw that it too was empty.

Good...more food for me.

He opened the fridge and blinked in disbelief. There was no pie left; someone had been here before him.

"Damn," he cursed aloud.

"Looking for something, Commander?"

At the sudden sound behind him, Trip jumped suddenly, smacking his head against the open fridge door. With a loud grunt of pain, he turned to glare at the owner of the voice.  
Hoshi Sato stood before him, dressed in a thin tank top and pajama pants. She looked a little embarrassed, turning away slightly, and he suddenly realized that he was standing before her in a robe, which was unfortunately becoming looser by the second. Hastily, he tied up the robe again, and managed a light grin at her.  
"You sure know how to scare a guy. What are you doing here?"  
Hoshi smiled, a bit too innocently even to Trip. "Just having a little snack."  
"Ya know, when you smile, it makes people suspicious. Especially when you smile like that. And-"

Trip's eyes suddenly wandered past her to a table off to the side. On it were several PADDs, but also a plate of what was unmistakably half of his last precious piece of pecan pie.

"Aha! So you're my pie thief."

She grinned innocently at him again, batting her eyes playfully, and started to back away. She knew it was lack of sleep that was getting to her, but she was feeling warm and fuzzy inside as she breathed in the scent of him.

Calm yourself Hoshi. She thought to herself.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Commander."  
Trip caught her sly movement back and grinned to himself.

"Oh no you don't! Pie thieves don't get off so easy!"  
He playfully grabbed her around the waist, pretending to be seriously angry. She laughed hysterically, giggling all the way as she struggled against him.  
In the rush of having Hoshi so close to him, Trip almost forgot the reason for his late night meal: pure and unrelenting guilt. Acting suddenly, he released Hoshi, who had been leaning against him for support.

THUD.

"Oh my gawd, I'm sorry, Hosh!"

"You dropped me?!" Hoshi could barely speak from the fit of giggles that overcame her. Thinking to herself, damn, I must be really sleepy, she waved her arms at Trip from the floor.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

She giggled even more as Trip lifted her up quickly, his face a mixture of guilt and embarrassment.

"Sorry about that, Hosh. I just remembered something I gotta go do. Good night, now." He smiled weakly at her and practically ran out of the mess hall.

Oh man, Hoshi thought. Now Trip's definitely catching the Malcolm syndrome. Dammit, just when everything was going along fine. Attagirl, Hosh, there's just something about you that turns men away. I mean, honestly, you practically scared the wits out of Malcolm and Trip today, remember?

Hoshi sighed. Come to think of it, both Trip and Malcolm were acting a bit too jumpy today. She sighed again, pushing her thoughts aside. She was too tired for puzzles right now, and men were definitely a puzzle. The warm feeling of silliness was wearing thin, and she started to feel dizzy.

"I need to go to bed." She said aloud to the dark mess hall, and started back towards her quarters.


	3. Chapter 3

"Archer to Tucker."  
Trip woke up to the beeping of the comm the next morning, fell out of bed, hit his head against his nightstand as he tried to stand up, and promptly tripped over his robe and fell again.

"This ain't my day," he sighed aloud, and pressed the comm.

"Tucker here. What's up Cap'n?"

"I don't know if you had a wild night Trip, but the last time I checked even partying chief engineers reported for duty on time."

"Dammit!" Trip cursed under his breath and then spoke aloud. "Sorry sir, won't happen again. I'll be there in five minutes."

"Make it two Trip, and report to my ready room. There's something I wish to discuss with you."

"Yes sir."  
Having ended the conversation, Trip set about getting dressed. As he zipped up his uniform, and attempted to fix his hair (which was refusing to cooperate at the moment, he recalled the events of the night before.

Hoshi...in his arms...the thoughts he had....where the hell did this lead him? Not only was he dreaming about a woman who he previously considered as only a friend, he also knew every secret that woman had...and he felt so maddeningly guilty he thought his head would explode. He stood there, thinking about the events of the past two days, and silently cursed the log system of Enterprise.

"Archer to Tucker."  
Trip snapped out of his state of deep thought.

"Yeah, Cap'n?"

"I said two minutes, Commander, not two hours. How long does it take you dress?"  
Archer's voice sounded just a bit annoyed. T'Pol's probably glaring at him, thought Trip with a half smile. The smile vanished quickly as he realized that the Captain was still waiting for his response.

"Sorry sir. I'm coming."

"Try to run, Trip."

"Yes sir."

Cursing once again his misfortune, Trip ran out of his quarters, scruffy, unkempt, and real cranky.

* * *

"Ah, Trip. Glad you could join us. Please, have a seat."  
Trip gazed uncertainly at Archer in his ready room as he sat down. In the corner, Malcolm was also seated, looking sheepishly at Trip.

"Gentleman. A problem has been brought to my attention earlier this morning."

"Uh oh." Trip said softly, his eyes showing his growing concern. "Conversations that start like this can't be good."

Malcolm gave a weak smile at that.

"Don't worry, Trip, it's nothing that's worth a court-marshal over, I promise."

"All righty, Cap'n. So what's the problem?"

"Lieutenant Reed has come forth and admitted his guilt over a certain personal matter concerning Ensign Sato, one which includes you, if I'm not mistaken."  
Trip felt his stomach lurch.

"Cap'n, I-"  
Archer raised a hand to silence him.

"According to the sensor logs, Ensign Sato received an encrypted message two nights ago while she was trying to access her personal log. She attempted to decode it, but it shorted out, sending several irregular energy emissions throughout the log systems. This triggered the log system to create and send her log as a message to two officers."

"Malcolm and me." Trip leaned back in understanding.

"Exactly."

"I got one question for ya, Cap'n. Why was it sent only to Malcolm and me?"

"Apparently, your names were repeated often in Hoshi's logs. The computer recorded those and sent her log to the logs of one Malcolm Reed and one Charles Tucker III."

"Oh."

Deep blushes came to both Malcolm and Trip's faces as they stared at the floor, suddenly engrossed by the cracks in the ground.

"So, since this has been explained, needless to say, it's not your fault. However, I think you owe it to Ensign Sato to inform her of this misunderstanding." Archer looked at Trip with pity in his eyes. He knew how much it hurt a man of Trip's integrity to be caught doing something wrong. He looked even more guilty than he had when he accidentally read T'Pol's letter.

"This is not going to be fun." Trip sighed softly.

"I know." Malcolm replied.

"She's going to be mad. I mean, not just kinda upset, but really MAD." Trip was shaking his head.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Malcolm whispered softly.

Archer stood, as did the other men, and he gazed that them both now with pity.  
"Good luck, gentlemen. Dismissed."

* * *

"So, have you told her yet?"

Trip avoided Malcolm's gaze as he pushed his lunch around his plate with a fork.

"Who?"

Malcolm rolled his eyes in disgust as he too sat down.

"Denying it won't make this any easier."

"I'm not in denial." Trip protested.

"Face it, you and I made a big mistake. Now we'll have to face up to it."

Trip made no reply.

"Do you want to do this together? Or-"

"Do what together?"

"AHHH! Don't do that, Hoshi!"

Malcolm dragged himself off the floor, where he had fallen when Hoshi interrupted their conversation. Trip, for his part, was acting relatively calm, though his cheeks became tinted red as Hoshi eyes pierced through him.

"Do what?" Hoshi smiled innocently.

"Sneak up on a person like that! What if I had pulled out my phase pistol and shot you?"

"Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that. Guess you'll just have to be careful, right?"  
Damn smug woman, Malcolm thought to himself. It's not fair to tease a bloke like that. Bloody makes me even more jumpy.

"You boys aren't still plotting your little mystery, are you?"

"Of c-course not." Malcolm stammered, looking flustered. He felt as if his mouth was suddenly dry, and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

Wow, they're really jumpy. Hoshi thought. Oh, I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to bother with finding out their secrets. Trip...

She sneaked a glance at the usually outspoken engineer, but he was abnormally quite as he sat at the table.

Why won't he look at me? After that night, I thought things were going better...I don't know.

Hoshi sighed softly to herself. Must be the Malcolm Syndrome.  
All right, now that I have time, let's get this game started.

She put forth a bright smile at them again.

"Okay...but don't forget, I'm still on to you. I'll find out, one way or another."


	4. Chapter 4

The next two days were utterly chaotic.

Trip didn't know what was worse, Archer's constant accusing looks in his direction that made him feel even more guilty about not telling Hoshi yet, or Hoshi's mischievous smile every time she "casually" wandered near him and Malcolm.  
Trip sighed, leaning back in his seat with his head gently against the wall. At least here in Engineering, here in his sanctuary, he could think clearly and be safe, away from both Archer's glares and Hoshi's smile. Here, he could be at peace, alone with his precious engines.

"What are you doing there, Trip?"

CRASH.

Trip looked dismally up from where he had fallen, his hands running through his hair in embarrassment.

Hoshi secretly smiled to herself.  
That's the second time you've made a man fall at your feet...nice going Hoshi!

Trip slowly rose, his gaze avoiding the amused look in Hoshi's eyes. Instead, he let his eyes wander to her slim figure, her smooth skin, and the innocence of her youthful face. How could such an angelic looking woman bring him so much hell?  
Trip sighed, blushing and shaking aside the thoughts that now flew through his mind. He tried to focus, but the right words seemed to be just beyond his grasp.

"Hoshi, w-what are you doing down here?" He stuttered. "Don't...don't you have some weird...foreign...alien...not English....thing...to figure out or translate or...something?"  
Hoshi smirked. She couldn't help but think of how adorable he was when he was nervous. His shoulders were hunched slightly, his face scrunched up in a cross between a wince and a half smile.

Don't get distracted now, Hoshi. You have a mystery to solve, remember?

"You mean a language?"

Trip nodded fervently, his head bobbing up and down.

Hoshi had to bite her lower lip hard in order to smother her laughter.

"Well, Trip, I guess it's just so much more fun to find out what you and Malcolm are hiding. And for me to do that, I have to use every resource I have. It's taking just way too long, though. Maybe you could just fill me in?"  
Here, she gave him her sweetest, most innocent smile.

Trip swallowed.

Maybe I should tell her now, get it off my chest. Yeah, come on Trip, be a man! She's just a petite Ensign...so why the hell are you so scared?

"I...uh....um...Hoshi..."

Trip laughed at himself at the utter ridiculousness of what he was saying.

"Um, Hoshi, I got a lot of work to do, so, if you don't mind?"  
He gestured frantically to the stack of PADDs on his desk, letting his cluttered tabletop speak for him.

Hoshi smiled on last time at him, while mentally disappointed that Trip wasn't giving up any information. Well, she had other sources.

"Okay Trip. You do look like you have a lot of work to do. So...I'll just...I'll just leave now, and go find someone else to talk to."  
Trip let out a deep breath.

"All righty then. Thanks Hosh."

He mentally berated himself for being a coward, but he knew that he just couldn't bear to see Hoshi angry with him, and she would definitely be angry had she found out what he had done.  
Hoshi started to walk out, her thoughts turning to what she had to do next. However, before her feet led her out the door, her voice somehow spoke up again.

"Hey, Trip?" she asked, turning back to face him.

She was startled to find his bright blue eyes fixated upon her, his face tight with unexpressed pain and...what was that? Guilt?

What in the world would he have to be guilty about?

Hoshi shuddered slightly at the intensity of his gaze.  
Her voice seemed to snap him out of his trance, but he simply stared at her, unable to break away his gaze.

"Trip?" Hoshi's voice was uncertain.

"Uh...yeah?"

"Meet you for lunch?"

Hoshi's cheeks turned slightly pink at her boldness. Really, what had gotten into her?  
Trip smiled broadly at first, but then the thought of guilt sprang into his mind again.

"Uh...sorry, Hosh. I have, uh, a lot of engineering work to get done..."

"Oh." Hoshi said softly, her face starting to flame.

"But maybe later? Dinner? I, uh, have something to tell you then."  
Hoshi grinned at him.

"Ok then, I guess you've finally given up, huh?"

Trip nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah, something like that."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hoshi, I need a word with you in my ready room."  
Hoshi looked up surprised from her station.

"Yes, sir."

Archer gave her a weak smile, and then headed out the door. Hoshi, looking confused and all of a sudden nervous, followed him.

Archer let out a deep breath to steady himself. Two days, it had been two days and those idiots hadn't come clean yet. It was unlike Trip to be not forthcoming with the truth, and despite Archer's various hints (of which none were subtle), Trip simply refused to fess up.  
And Malcolm...Malcolm was even harder to corner. It seemed that every excuse Archer could think of to talk to the man, his quiet armory officer managed to evade, creating an even more rational and believable excuse.

Archer sighed.  
Well, this is wrong. I can't have my comm officer totally unaware of what my chief engineer and his pal have done. She deserves to know, dammit. But why do I have to be the one to tell her?

Archer laughed silently at himself. Cause you're the captain, Cap'n.

Hoshi sat nervously in her chair, her thoughts spinning a web of possible reasons for this meeting. Her sharp ears picked up on Archer's almost silent laugh, and she looked at him, utterly perplexed.

"Sir?"

Down to business, Archer thought.

"Hoshi, you are a valued and respected member of my crew, you know that right?"

Hoshi nodded, even more bewildered.

"Well," Archer continued, avoiding eye contact. "I regard you highly, as do your fellow officers, and we deeply respect your, uh, personal issues."

Ooh boy...this doesn't look good, Hoshi.

"Uh-huh." Was all she could get out.

"Well...it's like this, you see. A few days ago, the log system was malfunctioning, and part of the program was encrypted into a sort of messenger system. Did you, by any chance, receive some sort of encoded message when you accessed your log?"  
Hoshi's eyes widened slightly in recognition.  
Archer saw the look in her eyes and thought to himself, if she's surprised now, wait til she hears the rest of this.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'. The computer recognized the encoded text as a prompt for a message, and thereby copied your log and sent it to two people whose names appeared...ahem....most frequently in your entries."  
Hoshi's eyes widened more.

"These two people then read the log inadvertently when they accessed their own logs."  
Hoshi's eyes widened to the extent that Archer was a bit disturbed. He watched as she turned from a pale green tint to a deep blushing red.  
Archer then glanced uneasily at his floor, suddenly absorbed in tracing the seams on the smooth surface.  
Hoshi finally found her voice, and she asked a question to which she already knew the answer.

"Sir? Who received my log?'

Archer grimaced slightly.

"Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker."

Well, this just makes everything peachy, doesn't it? Hoshi's sarcastic thought flitted through her mind.

"Oh." Was all she could say. Real articulate, Hosh.

"I know that you should hear it from them, but I felt that you deserved to know sooner as it does involve you, ah...personally."

Archer couldn't help it. The corners of his mouth turned up just the tiniest bit.  
A fact that did not escape Hoshi's keen, alert, and glaring eyes.

Damn smug sonofa-, came the irritated thought. Hoshi's confusion and preliminary embarrassment was gone, replaced by growing anger. Those two bastards! So that's what they've been hiding so long. Probably laughing at me when I was trying so damn hard to figure them out.Men!

Archer chose that moment to look directly into Hoshi's eyes, and he was startled to find an uncharacteristically malevolent glint in her eyes.

Archer swallowed. He had a feeling that Trip and Malcolm were in big trouble.

Hoshi looked dangerous.

She smiled sweetly at him, confusing him completely, and said, "I appreciate your telling me, Captain. If that's all?"

Archer nodded dumbly. He couldn't understand why such an innocent smile could make his knees wobble in fear.  
Hoshi smiled again at him, but this time, her thoughts were different.

You scared of me, Jon? You shouldn't be...I am dangerous, but only to those two who lied to me. Just they wait...they'll get what's coming to them.


	6. Chapter 6

Hoshi was ready for battle.

Yesterday, she had secretly asked a few of the engineering crewmen to help her on her "mission", promising them the irresistible chance of playing a practical joke on their chief. Together, they had hacked skillfully into the log system, and with her new data in her hand, Hoshi sat down to read.

She accessed the screen before her, plugging in the data chip, and she smiled devilishly. She had found the ultimate payback, and she was ready to absorb all sorts of juicy information. She took a small sip of her iced tea, sighing.

Okay, Malcolm gets to go first...let's see what he thought of the whole birthday episode.

She smiled as she heard Malcolm's familiar soft British voice start..

"...It took me a while to admit, but I think I'm finally where I belong. Home, Earth that is, just seems so different, so cold. Here, I feel as if the people around me actually care for my safety. Trip; well, surprisingly, he's become a very close friend. Our near death experience onboard Shuttlepod One has really made me appreciate what I have. I can't help but like him, and I can't help but like our crew. The Captain always tries to make me feel welcome, listening to all of my ideas. Even T'Pol seems to be kinder. Travis and I kid around as well. He still doesn't know that I was the one who put jelly in his socks a few weeks back; he thinks it was Hoshi getting back at him for something he did. And as for Hoshi..."  
Hoshi's eyes widened in anticipation of what he would say.

"...I thought for a long time that I was in love with her..."

Her cup slipped from her fingers in shock. She didn't even realize that her drink had spilled all over her leg.

The thoughts swirled around her mind.

Malcolm...in love with me? Could it be? But...why had he been so cold?

She realized then that she had missed the rest of his log, so absorbed was she in her thoughts. Quickly, she replayed it, her breath caught in her throat.

"...for a long time that I was in love with her. I could easily fall in love again/. I don't think I've ever met anyone, other than Madeline, who I cared for more deeply. I never told her though; it may seem childish, but how could I? We were such opposites, one dark and one light. I couldn't unload my pains, my burdens upon her. It would be too much for the both of us to bear. Besides....I've seen the way she looks at Trip. She used to look at me like that, but after that awkward incident with my birthday (which I am still furious with myself over) she grew colder...more distant..."  
There was a long pause then, and Hoshi thought that the log entry had ended. Just as she was about to play another one, however, Malcolm's sad voice echoed once more.

"...I think I missed what could have been the greatest love of my life. Like always, I'm the eternal fool. I only hope that she will find happiness."

Hoshi stared in silence into the air, her eyes brilliant with tears.


	7. Chapter 7

Malcolm took a deep breath, smoothing the front of his uniform, and pressed the door chime.

He stood before Hoshi's quarters, his hands nervously fidgeting in front of him.

Nothing had ever gotten under Malcolm's skin like this before, and he was not only nervous, he was petrified.

He knew that underneath the innocent smile of the young ensign, there was a daring, fiery, and quite remarkable woman who had been willing to risk her life on a number of occasions. He had been in love with that woman, but now, as he stared at the door in front of him, he realized that he wanted to be anywhere but here. He winced at how she might respond to his confession and subsequent apology.

"Come in!" The muffled voice of Hoshi Sato sounded in his ears. Cautiously, he took a step forward and entered.

Hoshi was sitting at her desk, apparently deep in thought. She gazed up at him, her eyes unusually bright.

"Malcolm! What are you doing here? Is there something you need?" She didn't smile, but stood to face him.

"Um...yes, well...rather, I have something to tell you."

Hoshi looked at the fidgeting, blushing armory officer in front of her. Earlier, she would have had no mercy for the man, as her previous anger had been monumental. Now, however, as he glanced about her room, she felt only pity and sorrow.

She had realized that he had been right in his log: she no longer felt the same fluttering in her heart when she looked at him. Instead, she found to her surprise a deep respect and caring for him, something separate from romance. Friendship.

True friendship that she craved from him. It was odd, really, that she felt so strongly about it, and how sure she was that she truly wanted it.

As she stood musing, unaware that he was even more nervous now, Malcolm took a deep breath.

Well, this is what separates the men from the boys.

"Well, Hoshi, I have a confession to make."

Hoshi snapped back from her thoughts, and her eyes focused on Malcolm.

Malcolm mistook her focus for hostility, and he quivered slightly...why the hell did she make him so scared?

Damn, I wish I had my phase pistol with me right now.

"Well you see, er...when I tried to access my log a few nights back, I...um...accidentally read yours."

Hoshi simply stared at him. No words, no shock.

Oh dammit, I really wish I had my phase pistol with me right now.

"And...er...you can imagine my surprise and shame upon that discovery, and what I'm trying to say is that, um, I'm really really terribly sorry!"

Hoshi moved to get something out of her desk drawer.

Holy mother of God, I need my bloody phase pistol with me right now!

And then Malcolm had the shock of his life.

Hoshi Sato walked up to him, smiled, and hugged him close to her.

He breathed in the smell of her, utterly confused.

"Hoshi? What- you're not angry with me?"

Hoshi smiled at him, surprised at her own move and the free flowing tears in her eyes. She didn't even hesitate to tell him.

"No. I'm not mad. Captain Archer told me of what you did a few days ago."

"Oh." Malcolm mentally kicked himself. Here he had been completely nervous and terrified about breaking the news to her, and she already knew! He growled at his own self-righteousness; if Trip had come to her first...well, then that bloody idiot would've been in this mess.

"I really am sorry, Hoshi."

There was a long pause as she looked at him, fighting back her own guilt. Now, she marveled at how underhanded she had been, how low it had been to hack purposely into their logs. She sighed. Well, time to come clean.

"Malcolm, I'm sorry, too. I did something low to get back at you, because I was so angry at first. I-I hacked into your log."

She let those words hang in the air, not daring to look into those deep blue eyes. As for Malcolm, he was at once shocked and appalled, and yet, oddly amused. She had the gall to hack into their logs? Damn, he had underestimated her again. And yet, as he saw the look upon her face, he realized just what part of his log she had read.

"So...you read my little speech on lost loves? I suppose it's fitting. And in regards to that questioning look in your eyes, I have to say that yes, I think I was in love."

He took her hand then, smiling at her.

"But things change, Hoshi. I see that I'm not the one you're meant for, and I'm okay with that."

Hoshi's eyes were full of tears again.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend, Malcolm. Can you understand that?"

He didn't respond, but kissed her hand gently, then dropped it, walking away from her, turning only to say a few words of parting.

"I'd suggest you not read his log. Go to him in person; it's always better that way. And Hoshi?"

"Yes?"

Malcolm flashed her one of his rare, brilliant smiles.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend either."

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Trip was smiling as he readied the table in his quarters.

Hoshi had unexpectedly canceled their dinner meeting yesterday without giving him a straight answer as to why. He had been disappointed, slightly hurt, and even suspicious, but everything had melted away when she asked him to have dinner with her again, that evening.

He hadn't shaved, his hair scruffy and sticking up here and there, his T-shirt not tucked in. He was a mess, but as he surveyed the table he had set up in the middle of his quarters, he couldn't help but smile. On it sat two plates, knives and forks, wineglasses, a vase of orchids, and a silver candleholder. Trip grinned at his own ingenuity. He had borrowed some scented candles from T'Pol, and the room was filled with the sweet yet spicy aroma of vanilla. He figured it wouldn't hurt to get on Hoshi's good side. He remembered her saying something about liking the warmth of candles, and how orchids were her favorite flowers. Trip blushed at his thoughts. Of course he remembered; he had read it in her log, where she had described her dream date.

Of course, it had been on the beaches of Risa, but heck, where was he going to get all that sand?

Trip sighed. All his guilt and worry had made him a bit crazy, and he could only hope that his big mouth didn't get him into any more trouble.

Well, this is it. I'm going to come clean.

He winced at his possible, or probable, fate once Hoshi learned of his snooping, but he then pushed the thoughts aside, turning to look at the clock.

"JESUS CHRIST!" A loud string of curses slipped from his mouth as he tripped over his shoes, desperately trying to find his nice dress shirt.

Hoshi's gonna be here any minute...where the hell is that shirt?

He finally found the elusive shirt, which had somehow fallen between his bed and his dresser, and he hurriedly pulled at his T-shirt, hopping around as he tried to get it off.

Unfortunately, the stubborn article of clothing was not cooperating, and as he faced himself in the mirror, he found to his dismay that it was inside out. Another soft stream of curses flew out as he scrambled to pull it off again, mentally promising every god he knew of that he would never sneak another pecan pie from Chef's fridge if he survived this night.

The door chimed just as he buttoned the bottom of his shirt.

Damn damn damn damn....dammit!  
He nearly tripped again as he ran past the chairs of the table, straightening the dishes again.

"Come on in!" he breathed out, and finally spun around to face his guest.

Malcolm Reed was standing before him, eyebrow raised a la T'Pol.

"You having problems dressing today, Trip?" Malcolm asked, with a grin on his face.

Trip looked confused for a moment, but then he looked down and mentally kicked himself.

He had buttoned his shirt up unevenly, mismatching the holes to the buttons. He quickly undid the shirt, rebuttoned it, and glared at Malcolm.

"This really isn't a good time, Malcolm."

Malcolm grinned for a moment, but grew somber then, standing a little taller.

"I know, but there's something that has to be said."

"Well, what is it?" Trip asked impatiently.

"I just wanted to let you know that while I may not be in love with her anymore, I still love her, and if you break her heart, I will kill you myself."

Just great...stupid shirts, annoying buttons, and now, death threats. Could this night get any worse? And the guest of honor isn't even here yet!

The door chimed again.  
CRAP...me and my big mouth.  
Malcolm and Trip both froze in panic as Hoshi's voice called through the door.

"Trip? It's me, Hoshi. You there?"

Damn damn damn damn....dammit!

"Uh...what do I do? I can't go out the door; Hoshi's right there! She might think I was doing something to mess up your date." Malcolm whispered worriedly to Trip.

Trip glared.

"As if making death threats to me WASN'T messing up the date."

"Well, I just wanted to make things clear," Malcolm shot back.

"Trip?" Hoshi's voice called out again, this time with a touch of annoyance.

"Hold on a sec, Hosh! I'm...uh...getting changed!"

Trip glanced around the room, staring at the walls, the floor, and the ceilings in frustration....the ceilings.

He turned slowly to gaze at Malcolm, a mischievous glint in his eye. He nodded towards the vent on the ceiling.

"Bloody hell...no!" Malcolm shook his head vehemently.

Trip practically shoved him towards the vent.

"Either this or face the wrath of Hoshi."

"But I'll get stuck! It's too damn narrow for me to move."

Trip grinned as Malcolm scowled.  
"If I didn't know better, Trip, I'd say you're enjoying this." Malcolm said grudgingly as he climbed up on the chair and opened the vent.

Trip grinned even more in response.

"You know I like to see you in pain." Malcolm shook his head in disgust as he squeezed into the air ducts.

"Bloody masochist."

"That's sadist, Malcolm." Trip corrected, putting the vent gate back up as Malcolm glared even more at him. "Now, keep quiet."

Trip smoothed his hair with one hand, plucked a flower from the vase on the table, and opened the door.

"Hey, Hoshi. Come on in..."

Trip's mouth fell open as he gaped at the woman in front of him. Hoshi was wearing a short black dress, the clingy material hugging her curves. Unintentionally, Trip's eyes wandered from her face to her graceful neck, her bare shoulders, and the tops of her-HELLO!

He blushed furiously as he snapped his head back up, awkwardly handing Hoshi the orchid in his hand.

Malcolm rolled his eyes.

Hoshi smiled at herself. She had been hesitant to wear the dress at first, not sure if she was comfortable in something so revealing. But now, as she stared at the man turned putty in front of her, she mentally patted herself on the back.

Maybe he'll forget that I hacked into his log.

She sighed, her own guilt pushing aside the thoughts of her, Trip, and...wait, were those vanilla candles? White orchids? Her initial burst of joy was suddenly dampened as she realized how Trip must have known about her favorite things.

'I'm gonna kill him' was the first thought that sprang to mind, but she pushed it aside again, forcing herself to relax. After all, this is the guy you think you're in love with, right?

But at the moment, she had the irresistible urge to smack him upside the head.

"Hey, Trip. Wow, this looks lovely." She said instead, smiling sweetly at him.

He blushed to hear her approval.

"Thanks, Hosh. Um...dinner's ready, so, shall we?"

He gestured to the table, and Hoshi couldn't help but gasp in awe. It looked so beautiful, simple, and elegant, with gleaming silver dishes and a silver candleholder. Two wineglasses were filled with the sparkling fluid, and the flames of the candles flickered merrily.

"Oh Trip, this is beautiful." Hoshi murmured, and they sat down to eat.

Dinner was fantastic, and Hoshi was thoroughly impressed by Trip's cooking skills. He even made dessert, and as she tasted the sweet chocolate, her heart melted.

Malcolm lay cramped in the ducts, unable to move. His nose twitched from the dust.

Trip, on the other hand, grew more nervous by the moment. He waited until Hoshi had finished her cake, and then took a deep breath.

Malcolm's nose twitched some more. An itch formed at the back of his nose, and he realized with concern the familiar sensation.

Trip took another deep breath.

"Hoshi, I have something to tell you."

Malcolm's eyes watered as he tried to hold it in.

"Yes, Trip?"  
Not now, bloody hell, not now...

Trip turned completely serious.

Malcolm could hold it in no longer.

"Hoshi, I-"

"ACHOO!"

Hoshi and Trip both looked up, identical expressions of shock on their faces.

Malcolm blushed sheepishly.

"Bless you," Hoshi said dryly.

At that moment, more than any other time in his life, Trip wanted to crawl into a hole and die.


	9. Chapter 9

Malcolm grinned sheepishly and climbed down from the duct, dusting himself off.

"Thank you." He said, not sure whether to laugh or cry. He chose the laugh, but it came out in a series of coughs and choking sounds.

Hoshi glared at both of them.

Had she not been so guilty over her underhanded attempt to get even with them, she could have-no, would have- killed them both.

Well, maybe she would anyway.

Why the hell is Malcolm here? And spying on us through the duct? This is so low, Hoshi thought, disgusted.

Trip was avoiding her gaze, apparently suddenly concerned with the dirty spot on his floor.

Was he in on this? Setting me up, for what, to get a laugh out of this?

"So..." Malcolm glanced behind Hoshi at the door, his means of escape. He smiled again at Hoshi, managed a weak wave at Trip, and promptly ran for the door.

"Not so fast Lieutenant Reed!" Hoshi said sharply, her brows furrowed in shock and frustration.

Malcolm stiffened as he heard her usually kind voice call out his title so coldly.

She must be really upset.

"Hoshi, listen, I can explain..."

"What are you doing here, Malcolm?" Hoshi asked quietly, but her voice was laced with anger. She crossed her arms, glaring at him.

Beep.

The door chimed just as Malcolm was about to open his mouth to reply.

Malcolm looked to the door with hope.

Hoshi rolled her eyes and sighed.

Trip mentally prayed to every god he could think of to get him out of this mess. As if reading her log weren't bad enough...

"Well?" Hoshi said, a bit more sharply than she had intended. "Answer it."

Trip grimaced, avoiding her gaze.

"Uh, come on in."  
Ensign Mayweather entered Trip's quarters, a bright smile on his face and several data chips in his hands.

"Hey, Commander, I found the old movies you were asking me about..."

He paused as he found himself faced with three equally annoyed faces.

"Heh...um...is this a bad time?" Travis squeaked. He tried to smile at Hoshi, who looked really pretty in his mind in her dress, but she was shooting him a fierce and sharp glare. Malcolm, he noted, was pleading silently with him, his eyes looking to the door behind him.

And Trip?

Travis decided that the commander looked very sick, and he was partially amused to see Trip's

face turn from pale yellow to slightly green, and now, under the scrutiny of Travis' gaze, a bright flaming red.

"Yeah, um, so maybe I should go?" Travis asked, backing away slowly. Trip could only nod; he didn't trust himself to speak yet.

Beep.

All four pairs of eyes snapped to the door, which was chiming again.

This is ridiculous, Hoshi thought, crossing her arms and sitting down again.

Malcolm felt his stomach churn. Luckily I didn't eat much tonight. Bloody hell...I think I'm going to be sick...Need. Chair. Now.

Travis glanced nervously at the door, then at Hoshi, then at Malcolm, and finally, at Trip.

The commander was now turning purple.

Please, God, let this be a dream. Okay, naptime's over, time to wake up now, Trip.

Please?

Oh damn damn damn damn. Please?

"Come in," Trip managed to croak out.

"Commander, I apologize for the intrusion, but I requested those engineering schematics from you two days ago and..." Silence rang in the room.

T'Pol's eyebrow had never risen higher.

"Should I return later?" T'Pol asked calmly, although she was fully aware of the tension in the room.

"No! By all means, make yourself at home!" Trip growled sarcastically, turning so that he could bang his head against the wall.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

It actually felt quite good.

"Commander? May I ask what you are doing?" T'Pol looked concerned. The human was behaving bizarrely, even worse than usual.

"Making friends with my wall." Trip growled again, glaring at her before resuming his banging.

T'Pol looked as if she were about to comment, but she decided to wisely drop the subject.

Hoshi hid her face. The feelings of anger and frustration towards Malcolm had faded, and she was now fully aware of the utterly embarrassing situation she was faced with. Her cheeks were just as red as Trip's, but she covered them with her hands, wishing to be anywhere else.

How could this get any worse? Hoshi thought, her eyes tightly shut as she shook her head.

Beep.

"Of all the-!" Trip screamed so suddenly that Hoshi jumped in her seat, startled.

Travis was now sitting down on Trip's bed, so confused and partially scared that his knees were shaking. Malcolm simply stared knowingly at the door, a grim look upon his face.

"What the hell do you want?!" Trip yelled at the door, his face now bright red with the pent up

frustration.  
The door slid open to reveal Captain Archer, a bewildered look upon his face as he stared at his senior crew, all jammed in Trip's quarters, and his Chief Engineer, who was huffing as he cursed at the door.

"Excuse me?" Archer asked, not sure if he had heard correctly. "Would someone mind telling me what is going on?"

Thud.

All eyes focused on Trip.

The commander had fainted dead away.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN:**

"Commander? Commander? Can you hear me?"

Trip's eyelashes fluttered as the world slowly came into focus. He moaned in pain, rubbing the back of his head as he struggled to sit up.

"Where am I?" He murmured, blinking hard.

Doctor Phlox gave him a bright smile. "You are in Sickbay, Commander Tucker."

"What happened?" Trip asked, now sitting up on the bed.

Phlox exchanged an amused look with Archer, who was standing on the other side of the bed. He gestured to Archer for an explanation. Trip turned his head, still not completely oriented.

"You, um, fainted, Trip. You've only been out for a few minutes, but you did hit your head pretty hard on your floor when you fell.

"Oh damn..." Trip groaned, covering his face with his hands. The memory of the disastrous dinner with Hoshi came flooding back to him, and he moaned again in frustration. Why me? Why?

"Are you feeling better, Commander?" A calm voice rang in his ears. Trip jumped slightly; he hadn't realized that there were other people in the room. Now that he squinted, he saw that Hoshi, Malcolm, T'Pol, and even Travis were all standing around his bed, looking at him with amusement and curiosity.

Trip felt as if he were on display at the circus, the way they were looking at him.

He growled at them, jumping off the bed and glaring at T'Pol, who looked as unflappable as usual.

"I'm. Just. Peachy." Trip replied to her, his voice saturated with frustration and annoyance.

"Commander, if I may, who is Fluffy?" Trip turned to glare at Malcolm.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Trip asked, blinking in confusion.

Malcolm looked very uncomfortable, but with a small nudge from Travis, he continued.

"Um, while you were unconscious, you kept mumbling something about a stone, and how scary this "Fluffy" was."

"Yeah," Travis added, with a grin on his face. "You kept saying, 'Fluffy! Why the hell does it have to be Fluffy?!"

Trip blushed a deep scarlet. Stupid old films...he must have been thinking about that movie he had seen a few nights back. As he stood blushing, he noticed that Malcolm was holding in his laughter, but just barely. Trip felt the pent up frustration explode upon the hapless lieutenant.

"What the hell are you laughing about?" Trip barked at Malcolm, who returned the glare with an amused look.

"Nothing, sir."

Trip growled again. I seem to be doing that a lot today.

"Yeah, well at least my thoughts weren't dirty like yours, Stinky," Trip replied, taking satisfaction from Malcolm's suddenly bright red cheeks. Both men cast a glance at T'Pol, but she of course only tilted her head in response.

A light giggling filled the air as everyone turned to see Hoshi almost bent over with tears of laughter.

"Um, Hoshi? You all right there?" Trip asked, looking confused and moving to help her.

Hoshi held out her hand to wave him off, her body shaking as she laughed. T'Pol only raised an eyebrow, which made Hoshi giggle even more hysterically. Malcolm cast a knowing glance at Trip, and somehow, Trip suddenly realized why Hoshi was laughing. With a quick nod to Malcolm, he lifted Hoshi from the ground where she had fallen and pulled her up to his bed.

"All right, then, everybody out!" Malcolm suddenly yelled, catching everyone except for Trip off guards. "I think these two both need their rest. You too, Doctor," Malcolm added, winking at Phlox. The Doctor nodded, smiling.

Within thirty seconds, Sickbay was empty.

Hoshi finally stopped giggling when she realized that she was alone, sitting on the bed facing

Trip, who was suddenly looking serious.

Oh no, Hoshi thought, now I'll have to tell him. God, why didn't I listen to Malcolm? Trip's going to hate me.

Oh no, Trip thought, now I've got her attention. God, why did I keep reading even after I knew it was hers? She's going to hate me.

"Hoshi," Trip started, taking a deep breath.

"I have something to tell you, Trip," Hoshi said at the same time.

Both of them grinned at the timing, but the smiles suddenly became awkward again as both gazed nervously at the other for some sort of sign. Finally, after a moment or so of silence, Trip sighed and spoke up.

Here goes nothing.

"Hoshi..." He started, and steadied himself by grasping the edges of the bed. "A few nights back, when I was accessing my log, I accidentally read yours. I know I should've stopped the minute I realized it was yours, but I-I couldn't help m'self. I'm so sorry...I can't begin to apologize enough."

He paused for a moment, casting a worried glance at her, and then closed his eyes and braced himself for her anger. Instead, however, he saw that she was looking back at him with...was that guilt?

"Hoshi?" Trip asked, "Are you all right?"

"Oh Trip," Hoshi whispered, even guiltier. "I know. I've known for days now. Captain Archer told me first, and-"

"Wait, Jon told you?" Trip interrupted, confused.

Hoshi nodded and continued.

"-and then Malcolm came to my quarters, and-"

"Wait, Malcolm was in your quarters?" Trip's expression darkened slightly.

"Yes, but he only came to apologize. But I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Why?" Trip asked, not sure of why she was avoiding his gaze. "I mean, you didn't do anything wrong."

A pause.

"Actually...I did. And I have to apologize, or else I'd never forgive myself. You and Malcolm read my log by accident...I read yours intentionally."

Another pause, this time much longer. Hoshi had a scared look in her eyes as she looked at Trip, terrified of his reaction towards her base attempt at revenge.

"You read my log?" he asked softly, looking her straight in the eye.

Hoshi nodded. "I was so angry when I first found out, and so I hacked into the log system and read Malcolm's first. I told him about it, and he warned me not to read yours. But..."

"Curiosity got the better of ya, didn't it?" Trip finished for her.

Hoshi could only nod.

"I don't know what to make of this, Hosh. First, I was so happy that you weren't mad at me, but now, I'm hurt that you'd stoop that low to get back at me."

Tears began to fill Hoshi's eyes.  
Should I tell him how I feel? Or of what I read?

She thought back to that day, the log, and his voice...

* * *

I'm not sure if I can love. I mean, hell, I've only had three relationships, so what can I know, right? But I guess I'm not sure of who I am. Everyone sees me as the joker, the light hearted person I try to be. But they don't see the darkness...the coldness. Maybe that's why Natalie and I didn't work. She wanted so much outta me, and I just couldn't give it. I don't know if it's fear, 'cause I probably am a coward, but I've never really felt love, or allowed myself to feel that way.

Not until now, at least. It took me years to build up the confident, happy exterior, the walls around me. It figures that it'd take one quiet, but damn attractive ensign to knock all the barriers down. Hoshi...she gets to me...and for once, I'm letting it happen.

* * *

Hoshi swallowed, her eyes brilliant with tears as she thought of his words.

"Trip, you have to understand..." she pleaded.

"What part did you read?" His voice sounded cold.

Hoshi bit her lower lip, hesitating.

"What part did ya read, Hoshi? Or did you read the whole damn thing?"

Hoshi winced at the sharpness of his voice. It sounded so different.

"I only read one part. About...Natalie, and about...me."

Trip turned away from her, hiding his face. He felt almost betrayed, for while he had been trying to do the right thing, she had violated his privacy, his own diary. But as Trip stood with his back to Hoshi, thinking about what she had done, he realized that he was more upset over what she had read and how she would think of him instead of her reasons for reading.

There were secrets to him, secrets no one else, not even Jon, knew about. There was a part of his soul that was locked up tightly in his own mind, and he felt the walls around his mind crumble at the thought of someone else knowing so much about him.

But this is Hoshi...

Trip frowned, unsure of what that meant. He could feel the fiery temper struggling to be set free, but at the same time, part of him relaxed, opened itself up. He decided that if there were to be anyone he could share that part of himself with, it would be with her.

Because...

Because I love her, he realized, and all feelings of anger seemed to be washed away. He recalled her words from her log entry, and a small smile came to his face.

Trip...I know it's stupid, but I know that I could fall in love with him so easily.

He turned back to her, and suddenly the smile vanished as he swallowed, his eyes running down the curves of her face.

She was crying; silent tears were flowing down her cheeks though her body was still.

"I'm so sorry, Trip." Hoshi whispered and moved to get off the bed.

Trip reached out his arms to her, stopping her from rising. Gently, he brushed aside her tears, his rough hands delighted by the feel of her smooth skin.

"Hoshi, I'm not mad. Not anymore...I guess that it just scared me, you knowing so much about me from my log. It was personal, and I think maybe I wasn't ready to share something so personal with another person."

Hoshi nodded, spellbound by his sincere blue eyes. How many times had she fantasized about those cobalt orbs, how many times had she dreamed of seeing love in them, love towards her? But he was saying that he wasn't ready for that.

"I understand," Hoshi replied. She turned to leave again, but Trip still held her shoulders, his grip light but strong.

"I wasn't done, Hosh," he said gently. "What I meant to say was, I don't think I was ready, but I know now that I am."

He pushed a loose strand of her black hair aside, his gaze never leaving hers.

"Hosh, I realized through all of this that I'm feeling things I don't remember feeling before. Emotions so strong, I just don't know what to do about them. But what I do know is that...I think I'm in love with you." He stopped talking, his body so close to hers.

Hoshi felt her heart beat faster, her sorrow and guilt melting away as she enjoyed the moment of silence between them. This was what she had dreamt of, and it was becoming more real with each passing second.

Trip tilted his head down to hers, gently and awkwardly moving closer. Their lips touched for a moment before Hoshi pulled back, and both felt a spark explode in their minds and their senses as their bodies moved together. Trip leaned in again, and this time, their motions became more smooth, and they seemed to meld into one another. Trip ran his hands down the small of her back as Hoshi wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him in for one kiss after another.

Trip was lost in her scent, the warmth of her body against his making his mind spin. When they finally broke away to catch their breaths, they heard a small cough behind them.

Looking to the Sickbay doors, they saw four pairs of eyes peeping through the glass. T'Pol was standing behind Hoshi, casting an amused glance back at the others, who were still spying from the doors.

"Commander, the doctor would like to inquire if he could return to his Sickbay," T'Pol said evenly and gestured to the others to enter. The Captain and the others seemed hesitant to approach you, so they asked if I would."

Hoshi and Trip turned to look at each other, similar expressions of disbelief and amusement on both their faces as Malcolm, Travis, Phlox, and Archer walked sheepishly into Sickbay.

Trip gestured to the empty room. "Naw, you can tell him that he's welcome to use it now."

With his arm still around Hoshi, Trip tossed off a salute to Archer and walked Hoshi out, turning to say to her, "Hey, Hosh, why were you laughing earlier?"

Hoshi giggled. "Oh that. Travis told me a while ago about the "Stinky" thing."

Trip chuckled, kissing her on the lips as they walked down the hall.

* * *

"...It appears that my theory was correct. Both the Commander and Ensign Sato responded well to the situational changes, and my earlier hypothesis concerning their mutual attraction was accurate. It appears that for humans, misunderstanding and conflict actually lead to attraction between former friends. However, more experiments must be done in order to fully prove this theory. The Commander and Ensign Sato still believe the log malfunction to be an accident, and I have no intention of revealing my part in their relationship."

T'Pol ended her log, smiled at the blank screen in front of her, and climbed into bed.


End file.
